Gab Bonesso

what?

my mother always said, “if you give a person an inch then they will take a mile.”

my father always said, “imitation is the sincerest form of flattery”.

who knew my parents were such plagiarists?

moving on…

does anyone here watch CRIMINAL MINDS on CBS?

i only ask because i have decided to take up “profiling serial killers” as my new hobby. turns out… most everyone i know has the potential to snap and go on a killing spree. awesome. i hope nothing “triggers” any of you bitches any time soon while my ass is around. “the Gab” does not want to die. sure, “the Gab” is obsessed with dying, talking about death, befriending hospice workers and so on and so on, blabbity blah, but know fo show I DON’T WANNA DIE!!!!!

once again, i am reminded of the words of my fierce mother, “all good things come to those who wait”. (this quote is in relation to something else not death.)

what? she stole that quote too? what did they do? sit around reading books of quotes to each other while smoking cigs and drinking coffee?!!!! unacceptable!

i took a good, hard look at my friend list. not the one on facebook. i don’t know any of those people. i’m talking about my real friend list. turns out, all of my friends (with the exception of my partner, Joe Biden) have the same last name as me. (cue: snoopy cry) (pause) (cue: real tears)

earlier today, i was email exchanging with my non-aborted son: michael shane bowser. we were discussing playwrights and cinema. we are a very pretentious family. anyway, we were both going over our top three favorite woody allen movies. his were: manhattan, deconstructing harry and vicky christina barcelona. i certainly hope that i’m not violating his trust by discussing it here. he is my son, after all. eh. i’m sure he’s fine with it. mine were: hannah and her sisters, broadway danny rose and deconstructing harry. the point: deconstructing harry is an awesome movie that is generally underrated by fans.

so anyway. i have this blazer and his name is zeke. but my mom thinks i need a new one because i have this fancy event that i have to go to and she thinks that a new blazer would be better. the last time i tried to buy a new blazer (i.e. “new blazer stacey”) i couldn’t find her in time and she let child film star gaby hoffman buy her! who will my new blazer be? will zeke interfere? will stacey be sold to a second-hand store in brooklyn? i was thinking of perusing the ralph lauren collection at macy’s. gold buttons = classy assy!

i gotta go. mom keeps calling me from the first floor of the house. she doesn’t realize how precious daytime minutes are to me. i guess i “seem down”. but she probably stole that quote too!

closing the kitchen in three, two, ___.