Gab Bonesso

I am scheduled to speak at Carlow College today. The Theater Department has some sort of class regarding the philosophy of comedy. I took two, count em, two philosophy courses at Duquesne. I ended up dropping two, count em, two philosophy courses at Duquesne. Although, they have not invited me to speak about philosophy. They have invited me to speak about comedy and theater. Two topics that I actually know what I’m talking about. This is going to be okay. This is going to be fine. (Note: You have probably, by now, noticed that I am slightly anxious about speaking. It’s nothing unusual. I am anxious all the time. About everything.)

Why should I be nervous about speaking? Public speaking is how I make my living! (If you can call ten cents a day “a living”!) I suppose I am nervous because I am supposed to act as a kind of role model for the kids and I don’t know… Maybe I don’t have enough faith in myself but, seriously you guys, I am a thirty year old woman with a Kool-Aid mustache. Why should I?

I make a joke in my act (imagine that, a comedian making a joke) in which I refer to my target demographic as being “school shooters”. I guess that’s not funny if your kid got shot by their classmate. Well, maybe if their classmate used a gun filled with grape jelly rather than bullets. (shrugs shoulders)

I bought Movie/Television Trading Cards at the Dollar Tree today. I know. I didn’t know what they were either but I knew that I had to have them. Sadly, they ended up sucking. They were a total rip off. All the cards were from Shrek 2 and Thunderbirds. Bullshiz.

I bought an external hard drive this week.

I also bought four comic books for $2 at the Dollar Tree. (Cue: Announcer voice reading commercial spot, “The Dollar Tree. We sell Marvel-ish Comics!”) The comic books are packaged in bags of two. I got: Mutant X: Shield Attacks, Spider-Man: The Arachinis Project, Fantastic Four: Exodus and Vigilante (DC Comics).

I am going to come clean about something. I wrote this blog yesterday. Well, actually I am writing it now but I will not be posting it until tomorrow. So by the time you read this it will have already been a day old. Not that it matters, but I thought you should know. I guess the reason that I thought you should know was because I am currently under the influence and every time I re-read what I have already typed I think it sucks and that I am part-retarded. However then I think that I’m just paranoid and I should just return to this in the morning and review it while I am sober.

In a stoned stupor I found this font named Kai. Say hello Kai.

Stoned can mean many things. (sigh) Just ask Jesus. Or the other one.

I took a break from writing this post to work on another post entitled: Review Review by Gab wherein I will be reviewing reviews. The first one on my desk is Bob Hoover’s review of City Theater’s production CLOCKMAKER. He was not nearly blown away enough as he should have been by the play. He obviously lives on fucking Mars, man. (For more of this rage. Read tomorrow’s review!)

Earlier today I told my mother that I was hearing things. Then later on in the evening when I was sitting around the family room with my mom and sister I started hearing a weird noise again. No one else heard it. This can be describe as auditory hallucinations. Other people call them one step closer to the loony bin… Regardless, I think I can hear someone trying to open my front door. I suppose if I die right now in a home invasion then I will not be posting this. God dammit! What a waste of time?

I need a new desk chair. My neck hurts constantly. Or maybe that’s just the unsub’s hands around my neck…

And in summation: (If I live) I have a comedy show on Saturday at The Club Cafe at 7PM. Tickets cost $7. It’s called the Pittsburgh Alternative Comedy Showcase. Bye now! Ya hear?