Gab Bonesso

So there were 8 people in the audience last night, you guys.  Things are looking good…Things are looking good.  I have two, count em, two shows tonight!!!!  If at both shows combined we have a total of 8 people then I will be thrilled.  This is a really tough weekend to try and produce a show.  I am freaking out about my Club Cafe show on Saturday.  I have to compete with The Arts Festival, The Gay Pride Festival, Joan Rivers at The Byham, etc…Lucky for me, my show doesn’t start until 10:30PM.  So ideally, people could attend my show after they saw Joanie or after they went to either festival.  So yeah.  Let’s keep our fingers crossed, y’all.  I am really excited about the comics I have on the bill.  Charlie Kasov is in from NYC to do a guest-set.  I have dark, guitar comic: Tim Dimond.  I have this lady who does a character named Roxie…She is so freaking funny!  Seriously, it’s going to be a great show, you guys.  Johnny Mac will be there closing the show with a whole new set of political material that is high-sterical!  You have to check it out!  

In other news, I think my shrink is coming to my show at the Club Cafe on Saturday.  Now I should tell you that the reason I think this is because in my last session she said, “My husband and I will be attending your comedy show on Saturday”.  So I guess that means that she’s coming…Anyhoot, this is the first time one of my shrink’s has ever seen me perform.  I am concerned that once she sees me perform she will then determine that I am much crazier than she thought and then I will be forced to be on pills that make me a zombie (speaking of zombies…wait.  I will get back to that in a minute.).  So yeah.  You bitches know that I’m pretty manic on stage and I say some crazy shit, especially when I am hosting.   Yep.  Plus, I wrote this new joke about my deceased father being a zombie (see! I told you I had something to say about zombies.) and I just know that when I perform it in front of her that she’ll start taking notes on her drink napkin and then Monday in therapy she’ll reference my joke as though it’s a sign that I still haven’t fully dealt with my father’s death.  Look, I don’t need this shit.  It’s just a joke, lady.    Put down the straight jacket.  Please.

In other news, do you remember yesterday when I was telling you about my bad diet?  I told you that I had cocoa pebbles for breakfast and Burger King for lunch?  Ring a bell?  Yeah, I finished that Breakfast of Champions diet off with a cold piece of barbecue, chicken pizza at 1AM.  My team of doctors are so proud.  So strange that I feel like I am going to throw up when I awake every morning…I can’t imagine why that would be happening.

Anyways, I guess I better get going.  I have laundry to do, cocoa pebbles to eat, etc…

Don’t forget tonight (if you can’t attend The Club Cafe show or if you would like to attend two, count em, two comedy shows this weekend) I am performing at Slapsticks Comedy Loft at 8PM.  Johnny Mac is hosting and I am headlining and cool people will be in between.  It should be a fun night.